


Not A Hobbit

by boomsherlocka



Series: Fics for Friends [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: John Watson Swears a Lot, M/M, Sherlock likes The Hobbit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 21:44:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4453517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomsherlocka/pseuds/boomsherlocka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the existence of The Hobbit 'Bath and Shire Gel'. Wackiness ensued.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not A Hobbit

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to the lovely people of the Facebook group Oklahoma is Sherlocked. You guys rock. 
> 
> Not betaed.

"Sherlock, I asked you to pick up some soap. What the fuck is this?" 

John Watson did not cut an impressive figure standing in the doorway to the loo in his dressing gown, the shower running behind him as the water heated. He was holding a bottle in hand, his brow furrowed in a deep frown. 

"It's soap, John," Sherlock replied as he lifted the newspaper to cover his face. He could feel a smile tugging at the corners of his lips and he didn't want John to catch on to his amusement. "I got it discounted. Excellent deal." 

"Since when do you give a single bloody fuck about deals?" John snapped. "I wanted regular soap, not... 'Bath and Shire gel'. Are you having a laugh?" 

Sherlock felt a chuckle bubbling up in his chest and he took a sharp breath, doing his best to suppress it. After taking a moment to compose himself Sherlock said, "Of course not John. It all works the same. I really do not understand why you are so cross. The fact I went to Poundland in the first place is a miracle in and of itself. If you won't use it I will, I quite enjoy the scent of Hobbits." 

"What does a Hobbit even smell like?" 

Sherlock lowered the paper to look at John, who had popped own the bottle and was sniffing it hesitantly. "A bit like you, I would imagine," Sherlock said before he could stop himself. 

Every muscle in John's body tensed for a moment as something dark passed over his face. He snapped the bottle closed with more force than was necessary and glared daggers as he retreated into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. "I'm not a fucking Hobbit!" John bellowed from the bathroom and Sherlock allowed himself a bark of a laugh as he stood. 

"It's not as if I mind," Sherlock replied as he advanced on the door. "It quite enjoy your hairy little feet and your reclusive nature. But ah, my little Hobbit does enjoy his fair share of adventure." 

"Sherlock..." John's voice held a warning, but it didn't stop him. 

"And here you are, holed up with a temperamental dragon, my my..." Sherlock rested his forehead against the bathroom door, his long fingers spreading out like claws. "Whatever shall I do with you, my little thief?" 

The sound of the shower stopped abruptly. There was another sound... the sound of a bottle of twee shower gel being put down on the rim of the tub, and Sherlock's grin turned predatory. 

"I'm not a fucking Hobbit," John protested weakly through the door. 

"Pity, I had planned on fucking a Hobbit today," Sherlock replied. He could hear John's groan through the door. It was a terrible line, Sherlock had to admit, but it was too good to resist. 

"For Christ's sake..." John grumbled, and the doorknob turned. 

 

After a few hours delay, John and Sherlock shared a leisurely shower. The water went cool and they discovered that Hobbits smelled of honey, of all things.


End file.
